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We Are Alone.

Why do people believe that they can be understood other individuals?
Why do people assume that just because they are loved by others, or insist that since they are close to certain people, that these people can completely understand what is going on in their lives?
I once believed this, in a matter of fact, I once did everything I could to make this possible.
I had faith in believing that one day I would meet a person who would understand me completely, or I would atleast somehow convince them that they understood what I was going through and wouldn't judge me for it because of this.
But what I've learned in life is you will be judged, by everyone you meet.
I judge, you judge, everyone judges, and that is what makes me so miserable.
I know now that no one will ever understand me and I will be judged because I in fact am crazy, crazier than anyone I know, and it's not just completely understanding people that we are unable to do.
We are alone, and this can be denyed as much as wished, but it is the truth.
Why do we call ourselves "individuals" if we insist on saying that we are not alone?
Why aren't people one big person that roames around the earth, loving it's many selves and knowing that no matter what happens it will be loved by whoever it wishes because it is one?
No matter how many times "I am there for you," is spoken, we are the ones required to make decisions that will change our lives forever.
So why does it matter so much if we have 1 friend or a million?
We are alone, and to those who feel it more than others, why do we make it such a priority to get the attention of the ones who we cannot stop thinking about, wanting or needing, when we know that they will never understand us because they will never comprehend how much we've needed them? They have never needed us in such a way.

We are alone, all of us, why can't we just accept that?

So This Is Late. Sorry.

Second semester started Thursday. It’s not completely terrible, I have to admit. My schedule is actually more than reasonable, and most of the people in my classes are not incredibly awful either.
For all who don’t follow me on Twitter, this semester I’ll be doing geography, math, drama, and gym.
I’m not very fond of the first two, but the great thing about this semester is that I’ll barely be getting any homework for drama & none for gym, so I’ll have the chance to spend more time on geography & math, two subjects I’m not exactly the greatest at.
The only two things I’m going to complain about regarding my new classes is one, I actually can’t stand the guy I’m sitting beside in math. From what I hear he’s a jerk, and from experiencing barely any time at all sitting beside him I already know that’s the case. He’s one of the normal guys unfortunately, the kind who’s completely full of himself & likes to be disrespectful towards the teacher. On top of that he’s extremely rude and annoying. Throughout Thursday’s entire math period he was shouting out to his friend and cussing and just being so distracting, ugh. So yeah… I’m hoping where I’m sitting now isn’t permanent.
The second thing I’m not too happy about is the time in which my lunch is at. I have it fourth period which starts at 12:10 I believe? It’s not a bad time, and most people wish they could have it, but I’m so used to eating my lunch during third period, (10:55), that by the time fourth comes around, my stomach could eat itself. (At times last semester I would even eat before second period. I’m insane.)
So yes, things aren’t going too terribly.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah. <3

Snow Day, Binders, Juno, and Semester 2.

So today was alright, other than the fact that I had a snow day.

I know that might sound like something that most would normally be extremely excited about, but I had today off anyway so you know, I just feel a tad bit ripped off. I mean really, any other day would be fantastic, but the one day I don't have to go to school?

Oh well, the rest of the day was pretty great.

At a little later than 1:00 P.M. I went with my dad to Staples to get some binders since second semester starts tomorrow & the binders I used in first semester are kind of destroyed. (Don't ask) I'm not exactly looking forward next semester considering I'm nervous for basically every subject I have, but eh, whatcha going to do?

Geography: I may as well be plain and simple. I suck at it. I know where nothing is in the world and I don't exactly think I have to know where everything in the world is located in order to have a good career.

Math: Two words. Mathematically incapable.

Drama: Let's just say after my audition for "Fame," the judges at my school said I had a great voice but no stage presence.

Gym: I can't run, I have no aim whatsoever, and I find gym the most embarrasing & humiliating thing to be required to do in the world.

Moving on, after I got my binders I went to my friend Alison's house. We watched "Juno," a movie neither of us had seen before, and overall, I thought it was pretty cute. After that we went on the Internet, no surprises there, until my dad came to pick me up.

Now it's 7:11 & after my brother finishes his homework, my family and I are going to watch "She's the Man." (Which I actually managed to purchase at Walmart for $5 today!) I absolutely love the movie along with Amanda Bynes, she's just great. After that I'll probably shower, lay in bed & tweet for a bit.

Thanks for reading & I will come up with something more interesting to blog soon,

Sarah.

I promise.

I will blog something soon... something good, either tomorrow night or Wednesday. I have to do it. There is always so much on my mind yet I never manage to let it out here. I need to get better at this.

I cannot stop thinking about you, I cannot stop loving you.

I’ve always wanted to forget you because I know that you’ll never love me nearly as much as I love you. I’ve always felt such pain in knowing that, and have always been miserable knowing that now that we’re apart, you don’t miss me.
But without my love for you, I feel like I have nothing. No matter what happens, I will always love you, no matter if or if you don’t love me back, or think of me, or miss me that way I miss you every day of my life. Even if you make me feel as insignificant as possible, even if you make me analyze every little detail & try to discover what I could have done wrong, I will always adore you. I still don’t understand how you could have let me go so carelessly after all that we’ve been through, but no matter what, no matter when, I’ll love you more than anything.

Mindset.

I hate it when things go absolutely perfect when I'm with you.
I simply can't stand it.
The moments we're together when I'm smiling & laughing remind me of the past when everything seemed so perfect.
I let your words consume me & everything I swear to myself I won't tell you, I do.
I hate letting you in on anything anymore because I can't stand risking hearing your response & being disappointed once more.
So I've set my mind into a certain mood, a certain hopeless mood.
This way, when I'm with you, no matter what you tell me or I tell you doesn't make a difference because I've convinced myself that things can't go back to the way they used to be, so why try working things out?
Why try to improve the state of our friendship when we've tried everything & nothing has made a difference?
Yet with all of this being said, I still somehow manage to carry hope in believing that it may not be over, that things still may be able to return to the way they used to be.
& then I feel the pain all over again when I'm faced with the truth.
& then the disappointment returns all over again.
& then I'm back to square one.